General Scavenger's Report about OTFCC And Stuff Like That!!

Another mighty journey of conquest! Another series of amazing adventures! Another campaign successfully fought!! BEHOLD!!!

In a mighty fortress known as the Shedd Aquarium, I did face lethal sea creatures as long as a city-bot is tall. I flinched not! "Bring it on, you organic slime-things!" I shouted at them. They took one look at my imposing, well-armored form, turned and fled. HAW HAW! Fortress Shedd Aquarium was MINE!

After securing the fortress, re-energization was necessary. Lured by the tainted scent of my human companion's fuel source, I attempted to sample it myself, using what I promise is absolutely, unmistakably the original WAR FORK! But alas and alack! I found that, rather than empowering my cybernetic weapon apparatus, the human's low-grade fuel instead empowered only my waste-expulsion systems!

The next morning, even greater perils awaited me at the Transformer gathering -- the Autobot temptress known as Crystal Widow! I was immune to her robo-harlotry, however. I'm tellin' ya, I didn't even look at 'er!

It was merely bad timing, I assure you, that led Megatron to believe I was slacking on the job. I tried to explain, I says to him, "But, mighty Megatron," I says, and then he picks me up and starts throttlin' me! Says his name ain't Megatron! Man, what kinna place is this??

So I got down to business -- the business of SMASHING BOTS, that is. Against even the mightiest foes, my assault was fearless and unrelenting! Their attacks were brutal, cunning and... no wait, cunning's a good thing, isn't it? They weren't that. They were something like cunning, but only bad instead of good. So yeah, like cunning, and... underhanded, too. But I showed no fear, fighting on even when the odds were so woefully against me. My skill and bravery won the day against their brute force!

In desparation, they unleashed their mightiest warrior against me. I made short work of him!

Short work. HAW HAW.

Not even the all-mighty MINI-CONS could stop my wrathful rage! They fell before my skill, speed, and this really huge spear I found somewhere.

Drained by the long and difficult day's battle, I took one last gambit on the human's fuel source, this time turning to his mightiest energy source. Truly, this is a fuel fit for Megatron himself!

...unfortunately, there was none left when the boss himself showed up. Um.... oops?

I thought he couldn't move around anymore or something. Oh man. At least he can't see me when he's not there, though.

It was fortunate I decided to refuel, however, because soon I found myself face to face with one of Earth's mightiest defenders!

Heh heh heh. Heh heh. He said, he told me, he says to me, "I'm Batman."

I spanked him.

It was a glorious weekend of conquest and battle and strippers. The human recommended this fuel as a means of recovery the next morning. My cerebral circuits were too incapcitated to argue with him.