Dear Horde of Mindless Drones,

We arrived here several hundred orbital cycles too late -- at one time, humans jousted with other flesh creatures in this arena. Today, it is filled with nothing but humans, who aren't even fighting one another, let alone engaging in mutual destruction or mass eviceration. We are stranded in this city, known as "Madrid", until my human companion can secure a replacement for a document that he foolishly lost, a "passport" I believe he said. Stupid humans.

Your Loving General,